“It Will be the Best Time of Your Life.” Um…are you sure about that?

College is most often heralded as the greatest four or so years of your life by people whose recollections are probably older than you are when you hear them. This isn’t to say that the people who express such a sentiment have not had a fantastic college experience. Perhaps reflecting on it creates a warm rush of nostalgia for them (or their third espresso of the morning is responsible). I doubt they are intentionally misleading the college/university bound person listening to them wax poetic about the newfound independence, lifelong friendships, memorable antics and occasional comical mishaps that they experienced during their undergrad days. Perhaps college really was that great and carefree when your coach/mom/dad/uncle/grandmother/neighbor/postal carrier/bartender (likely a doctoral student…what I can tell you? It’s expensive) attended. Or maybe they are only focused on their happiest memories and have romanticized the stories they tell themselves (and you) about being in college.

This is probably when you’re wondering if I do, in fact, have a point. Yes, I do. Here it is: College is hard. And the transition to college for your first year is much harder than many people realize…or are willing to admit. I have no doubt that the people in your life - who are painting the college experience as something as lovely, reassuring, and happy as a little tree in a Bob Ross landscape - mean to motivate, excite, and reassure you. However, the reality is that going to college is an enormous change and it can cause considerable stress for many students.

Feeling overwhelmed, scared, anxious, exhausted, and unmoored is not a character flaw: it is a normal, human reaction to a completely new and intense experience. Each person will be affected by the transition to college in unique ways. Some students will acclimate more quickly than others but please keep in mind, this is not a competition. Okay, yes, I know it can feel like exactly that sometimes so it’s important to keep reminding yourself that you get to feel however you feel and it’s ok. You can also ask for help. You may feel like the only person struggling with loneliness, homesickness, or Imposter Syndrome (that old friend of mine will get an entire blog post dedicated to her in the future). You may feel annoyance at living in a space the size of a utility closet with another person. You may find the food unappetizing (although, it cannot possibly smell as bad as the broccoli cheese-bake of my alma mater that assailed my nostrils once every four weeks). You may struggle with the pace of classes, the workload, and any number of other stressors. I assure you that you’re NOT alone. The specifics of your concerns may be unique but I have no doubt that your next-door neighbor’s collection of fears, worries, and insecurities are disrupting their sleep and flipping over their insides like when you wipe out playing Mario Kart (I’m Larry, by the way, riding the scooter and waving my pink parasol).

So, I encourage you to be gentle with yourself and try not to compare your experience to the wonderful tales told to you by other people. There is a good chance that if they stopped telling you the fun and exciting stories long enough for you to ask “What about college was hard for you?” they may remember that it wasn’t all carefree adventures and glorious independence. And perhaps, if you ask them to share how they got through the difficult experiences, you may get some helpful advice or at the very least, feel less alone. I believe one of the most helpful and healthy things you can do for yourself is to let the people who care about you know that your college experience isn’t the best time of your life at this point. AND that you need some extra love, support, or really good food from home to help get you through the rough stretches. You’re in college now. A lot of great things and a lot of challenging things can happen during this time. It’s okay if you need some help to manage it all. So… take some slow, deep breaths and talk to a friend, family member, professor or therapist about how college is really going for you. With some extra love and support, you’ve got this!

Thanks for reading. You've been Smudged!

-Tracy

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Please note: the information in these blogs is not intended to be used to diagnose yourself or someone you know and especially not someone you’re currently mad at... These blogs are intended for general psychoeducation and entertainment. The information is not intended to replace the medical or psychiatric advice you would receive when working with a mental health professional. It is always okay to ask for help! I encourage you to do so if you’re struggling or just need some extra care and support. If you are in crisis and need immediate help, please call 988 or text “Help” to 741741, call 911 or visit your nearest emergency room. There are many people ready and eager to help you.